Last post before the cliff

First, a very belated and grateful response to Mama Drama Times Two (for news of the day, skip down below). Thank you for your nomination last month! I am pleased to return the favor by nominating some inspiring blogging folks below. This award does come with a few rules: Copy and paste this onto a new post in your blog. Write your own answers to the questions below. Remember -you can only use one word answers! (It is just too hard for some answers!) Pass this along to 6 of your favorite bloggers by including their links! Post on your blog. Alert them that you have given them this award. Simple. So go ahead get started.... Have Fun!
Where is your cell phone? car
Your hair? washed
Your mother? wise
Your father? learning
Your favorite food? chicken & potatoes
Your dream last night? insomniac
Your favorite drink? chocolatini
Your dream/goal? a house full
What room are you in? rec
Your hobby? herbs/piano
Your Fear? never forever
Where do you want to be in 6 years? busy
Where were you last night? kid-chasing
Something that you aren’t? complacent
Muffins? croissants
Wish list item? sheet music
Where did you grow up? Brimfield
Last thing you did? bedtime
What are you wearing? work clothes
Your TV? computer
Your pets? kittens!
Friends? missed
Your life? rich
Your mood? apprehensive
Missing someone? always.
Vehicle? focus
Something you’re not wearing? shoes
Your favorite store? Bookstore
Your favorite color? Green
When was the last time you laughed? playtime
Last time you cried? last week
One place that I go to over and over? Highlands
One person who emails me regularly? Sarah
Favorite place to eat? The Pint
I am going to nominate the two bloggers below (I know it's supposed to be six, but I don't really know that many of you, and thought it would be a little weird to be nominated by somebody you've never heard from). Be sure to check out their blogs and Mama Drama's too.
Here they are:
Thoughts From a Foster Family
Masson Moms

OK, on to the blog post. Joi and I have a risky combination of desire to help, calling to foster parenting, and an inability to say no. So, starting tomorrow evening and going for a week, we are going to have 4 children. We have only ever had two at a time, with 2 out of 3 of those adventures being terrible. Granted, those two were bad circumstances to start with, and I think we'd do fine with a better set-up. I've even been wishing for a girl to fill in our extra bedroom. I guess I've really been wishing, as we got 3 of `em. I know this is only a respite and only for a week, but I am so stressed-out about this and we haven't even started, yet. We're going to managing ages 5, 3, 2 and 1 all at once. We're having to borrow the girls' foster parents' minivan. The 2-year-old doesn't go to bed and she climbs out of cribs and our toddler bed is going to be occupied by her middle sister. Buddha is finally sleeping straight through to 8 AM, but he's going to go back to his 6 AM wake-up because that's when the girls get up, and how are we going to get him to go back? We have to cook for 6, and meal planning is just foreign, as we just feed the baby and scrounge up whatever after he goes to bed. Dishes and laundry- I can barely keep up as it is. Wish us luck! As our DCF worker says, "you can do anything for a week." I know he's right, but it still feels like a cliff. Anything for a friend- she's going on a cruise and darn well deserves it, so I hope she has a good time (and takes her next one in a good 10 years!)

Buddha is good. Really good. So cute, I just have to squeeze him sometimes. He's walking and running. Stepping over thresholds, climbing stuff, getting into his mini rocking chair and making it go. He's still not talking much, but he did pick up "hi" and I've heard him say "hello", "bye" and "all done" each once, though he won't repeat the feat. Ask him "Where are your toys?" and he goes straight to the playroom. He is still the master of "puh! puh!" Up is my new name. Really, though, he goes looking for Mommy if Joi tells him to and he toddles in grinning when I say "Where's my baby?" His cheeks are just too much. His smiles are amazing. I love it when he just walks around laughing. I love this boy. There are the usual challenges, but he is so amazing, they're all outweighed a thousand times.

Which is why I like doing long-term foster care. For me, the rewards just aren't there with a short-term placement. Oh, we do hotline and it's fine, I'm glad to contribute the bed and good night's care a lost child needs. But I want to be more than just a bed. When you're just the landing spot, you get the frustrations without the connections. So, it might seem paradoxical, but short stays stress me out more. Maybe DCF will just fill our girl room and we won't have room for short-terms for a while. And now the little voice in my head is winking and calling me crazy.

Into the Wild Frontier... teenagers.

Joi and I accepted our first foster teen this week. It was only on hotline and just for a couple of days, but it was pretty adventurous for us as we usually deal with the under-3 set. But the hotline called us for the first time in ages and she was only 13 and it was just for the night and we haven't had a kid in that room for months, so we said yes. She arrived at midnight from a blown guardianship placement, which I didn't talk with her about- I figured it was our role to just provide a spot to land on and get her needs met- and leave the big talk to her social worker, who probably knows her better than anybody. Not that there wasn't any talking! "Sharon" (no cutesy nicknames for the older ones, I think just a pseudonym will do) was quite funny and insightful and chatty. It was fun to have a kid around who can actually have a conversation! We didn't let on that we don't take older kids, though- thought it best not to give ourselves away. She did make us realize that we have no game plan, though. The first question she asked us was when she came out of her bedroom for a sec before bed and said "Do you guys have any rule about make-up?" Joi and I looked at each other thinking "Make-up?! Last thing on our minds. How do we explain it's ok so long as she doesn't look like a trollop?" Joi wound up telling her to just be "tasteful" about it. Meanwhile, I was in bed trying to stifle myself in my pillow- we are such dorks. Sharon came back the next night, too, and Joi spent a good two hours slogging through her math homework with her. It took a while to jog those memories of multiplying and simplfying fractions! I'm just glad I was busy putting the baby down.
Speaking of baby, Buddha is doing pretty well. He is really walking well now and spending some time in the "toddler room" at daycare, though he won't switch there for a while yet. He's still not doing much talking. "Puh" for "up". "Buh" for "baloon". That's pretty much it. I got him to say "cat" once. I reeeeally wish he would pick up "mama" or some variation thereof, but he's holding out on us. So, we're trying to work on the talking.
Sleeping is another work in progress (aka. trainwreck). In order to prevent bottle teeth, the pediatrician recommended moving Buddha's bottle up an hour before bedtime, so he's not going to sleep on it anymore and I've had to create a whole new bedtime routine. Now, we take the bottle after dinner, take a bath, put lotion on (as a means to relax instead of the bottle) and PJ's, read a story, try to snuggle, bed. I emphasize try because without the bottle he is so un-sleepy, he just will not do it. No snuggling, no cuddling, no he just wants to get down and go play. So I've been having to just put him to bed with him completely wired. Oh, and we're having to go cold turkey off the bottle in the wee hours that he was so used to. Fun! The last two nights he was awake for 2 hours after bedtime and then up half the night, alternately jabbering, bouncing and crying away. Tonight, I did manage to get him to sleep almost right away, but that may be just because he is so damn tired now. And I miss my snuggles! I want them back! Hopefully the new routine becomes sleep-inducing soon.
As far as the case goes, I guess birthmom packed her bags and took off again a couple of weeks ago. That was after missing two visits in a row, including Buddha's birthday, so she hasn't seen him in a month and a half, and nobody seems to know where she is. The worker asked us if we are interested in adopting him and of course we said yes. I'm a little afraid to write that. The last time a worker started talking adoption with us we got badly hurt, so it makes me a little nervous. Saying we want him feels like admitting something. Maybe that's just me being uncomfortable expressing myself, though. Maybe it's both. Anyway, the worker said if birthmom comes back but continues the way she's been doing so far, a TPR might be six months from now. If she continues to be MIA, maybe sooner. So I'm just tucking that information into the back of my mind and going back to our life. Sleeping, talking, learning to say Mama. That's enough to do for now.

Toddlerdom again!

Buddha is one year old and started walking in earnest a few days ago. We have a toddler again! The last 3 months have just flown by. I wish we had had more of his baby-year to enjoy with him. I'm already nostalgic for our old bedtime snuggle session. He would take his bottle and then snuggle up on my shoulder and fall asleep- it was my favorite time of day. But, he's been getting more alert around that time and not falling asleep quite as readily, so he was going to bed awake more. And now we have to get him off the bedtime bottle to keep his teeth healthy. I'm still committed to bottle-feeding him at least once a day, though! It's one of the most universal and effective attachment cues I know and I'm not stopping for another year, at least. Thankfully, our new pediatrician didn't challenge me on that, and just suggested giving the bottle an hour before he actually goes to bed. So I started that tonight- he could not settle down without it and went to bed wide awake- but hopefully we'll figure out how to get sleepy without a bottle. I certainly hope so, because I miss my sweet boy sleeping on my shoulder!
There's another court date for Buddha in 2 weeks. He's having to change workers and we're not sure how the new one will be. There is a possibility that Buddha would be reunified if his birthmother accepts certain (restictive) conditions. Having worked so hard to be completely open to him over the last few months, I am amazed at the love I have for him in such a relatively short time. I tend to check in with myself about individual children by exploring whether I have the feeling of "mine". He is already mine and deeply so. I can only hope. Still, this unknown seems to be more comfortable than ever. Maybe you get used to it, after all. We'll meet whatever comes our way.
Joi is out-of-state taking care of her grandmother, who had a stroke last week and possibly another one today. She'll be gone until at least next Wednesday, so I'm single-parenting it here. Prayers and positive thoughts for Edna are much appreciated!

Waiting and wishing

We are still waiting for the first court hearing for Buddha... one of the attorneys didn't show up last week, so it's been rescheduled. So it'll be another 2 or 3 weeks until this case even gets started. We've been waiting around on some things, like switching to a new pediatrician so we don't have to drive 45 min each way and whether to buy tickets to take him on Joi's Minnessota trip next month, but at this point we've decided to give up and just act as if he is staying. So we got a new doctor for him today. And he's going to Minneapolis. So when they get around to actually processing this case they better keep him here! Waiting, waiting, waiting... sheesh.

And Sweets is wishing. Still wishing that she lives with us, that is. We saw her and her family for a visit last week (hadn't seen her for many months). I love to see her because I just love her so damn much, but I'm also always really ambivalent just prior to a visit because it's hard seeing how much we've missed and hard to explain some things she always asks and hard to leave. Really- I can't believe I have missed the last 2 years of her life. Sometimes that is the thing that really breaks me down the most. BUT, it is wonderful to visit and talk and play and take pictures, so it was good. She was sort of in and out, playing with all the other kids, but when it was time to go she did her clinging jag again. Not in an upset way, but definitely in a very expressive way- and she is so articulate now! She must have told me 50 times how much she loves me and us, and 20 times how she misses us and will miss us, and a dozen times how she wishes she still lives with us (which is really awkward in front of her parents but I'm glad she feels free to express herself now, unlike before). It is such a pang when she says that, but I'm also oddly relieved to hear it. That it's not just me who still has that bond, that she hasn't lost it or forgotten.
And then she asked me if I wish she still lives with us. How do these kids get us every time??? Of course I wish that. She breaks my heart, being gone, and I can't even find proper words to say just how much. But, of course I didn't say that, because for her sake I want to support her reunification. It seems weird to say that 2 years after she was reunified, but evidently she's still in that space, at least sometimes. So I told her I will always love her and wish that she is with me all the time, and then we talked about what's good about it, like how much fun we have when they come to visit, and how wonderful it is when she gets packages from us in the mail, and I got her order for her next book (a princess one, with a wand if I can find it). She wouldn't let me put her down the whole time (not that I wanted to, but like I said it's a little awkward with them watching her antics), so I carried her out to the car, where she said she would send me a postcard and draw a picture on it of her and me and a rainbow. See how she breaks my heart every time? I hate wishing.
Meanwhile, we are very relieved that Buddha is all better from a bout of possible asthma last week. First he had a cold, then an ear infection, then wheezing that the ER diagnosed as croup, and then the doctor said it was actually likely to be asthma. Can I tell you how much infants love having a noisy, vibrating, steamy nebulizer mask over their face for 20 minutes at a go? Every 4 hours, including at night? Pure joy. Thank goodness he's better because we are so done with that. Now if he can just stop passing along colds, sore throats and sinus infections to us! I have decided one of the top things about our break this spring was not being sick! Please send me healthy vibes because I have another something coming on. Good thing that kid is so darn cute.

From babyland

Buddha's still here and doing great- he has the best sense of humor! This boy is always laughing, clapping, crawling, cruising and jabbering away (except when he's very tired or when we're not letting him eat something off the floor). He's settled in very well and we are highly enjoying him.

His is certainly the strangest case progression I've seen so far, though. Normally, when a child in this state is placed in foster care, there is what is called a 72-hour hearing (which is supposed to happen within approximately 72 hours of the placement), at which time a judge is assigned and decides whether the foster care is warranted or not. If not, the kids go straight back. If so, then the kids stay in foster care and DCF makes a service plan for the birthparents to complete, and the case is followed by the court every few months. This time, there was no hearing because there is a less formal process for minor birthparents called "triage", which is basically a big team meeting, rather than a court room. So we literally did not hear anything for the first 3 weeks. So weird feeling, because normally we find out about the hearing and visits get started almost immediately. But nope, it was just 3 weeks of DCF leaving us alone and we got to enjoy just being a family with a baby. And then there were two no-shows for said meeting, so there was no information and no visit for 2 more weeks. The first visit was held 5 weeks in and because of the no-shows for the informal process, they are finally going to court this week. So, it's been unusual but still ok. It's kind of nice to skip the usual upheaval and distress. It's just peaceful while we've gotten comfortable with each other. We'll see what happens at court.

Buddha's also getting a nursery made up just for him. Normally, we have just one kids' bedroom where we have a twin bed and a crib, so as to be prepared for any kid. Now that little Mr. Chubalub seems to be staying, though, we decided to make him a separate room. We had two other kids very briefly (one hotline, one respite) and realized that we couldn't have him in the same room, as he doesn't sleep through and we don't want him waking another child up. Not to mention, putting him down in the pack-n-play whenever another kid was in the house was disruptive to him while we were establishing his routine. Plus, it just didn't feel right to boot him out of his own room every time. He should have his own room. So, we cleared out the little bedroom that Joi's been using for other stuff, and moved him in. Turns out we really like that room as a nursery, and now I can set up the first room for other kids. Why take chances with such a great set of circumstances, I know, but my mind keeps coming back to a little girl who might come along. It would be nice to have a girl again. The boys have been sweet, but we've had quite a string of them, and the little girl we had on hotline last month got me thinking that we should make space for one. We'll see what happens! In the meantime, we'll just have fun making up a nice kid's room in there and babyfying Buddha's bedroom.
Oh, and we have new replacement windows on our first floor! Never thought I would be so excited about tilt-in's or R-values!

Comin' Around the Mountain

We're back! Joi and I decided enough was enough with our little vacation this spring, and started doing hotline placements and respite care again a few weeks ago. Memorial Day weekend was our first go-round again, with Batman and his little-brother-sidekick Robin. It was a pretty long weekend, but both boys were charming and enjoyable. Batman especially is one very emotionally intelligent kid and my conversations with him were endlessly fascinating. They went right back home after that hotline placement, and apparently have been talking about us ever since and really want to come and visit. We may try to work something out with that.

Right now, we have our first baby on hotline, who is going by the name of Buddha Boy because he is such a chubalub! He's 9 months old and 24 pounds- that's 2 pounds more than Sweetie was when she came in at 2 1/2- with the chins and rolls to prove it. A bit fussy but very cute when he's happy. We might keep him on as a permanent placement if we get the opportunity after his 72-hour hearing this coming week. Meanwhile we're getting used to being up at 2 AM again. We haven't had to do that since Sweetie was a newbie- almost 3 years ago- so we're being extra nice to ourselves during the adjustment. I can't believe she's about to be 5 years old! We just sent off her birthday presents the other day...

Last, and most important, we have a new nephew! J. was born in May and is now home after his successful adoption, making my sister and brother-in-law the happiest parents in the world! And he is cute as all get out- thank Goddess for Skype and Facebook photos! We can't wait to meet him in person.

Hopefully this little corner of the web will be hopping a little more busily now that the kids have taken over again. Peace!

Busy bees

Yesterday, we managed to:

-dig out the last of 9 stumps from monster-size bushes in our front yard

-remove gravel from under our 2 trees

-replace gravel with mulch

-seed new grass where monster bushes used to be

-and take Prancer swimming in the local river



I love feeling productive! And I love playing with Prancer at the beach. Even if the water is still darn cold. Prancer kept wading in, running out, and grabbing his ankles shouting "COLD!!!" And then doing it again. And again. And asking us to carry him "to da island" (sandbar which is temporarily exposed in the middle of the river). The second time I told him to wait for me to put my shoes on because the pebbles hurt my feet, and he was very perplexed. He looked to Joi, who told him that some shoes can go in the water, like my sandals and his clogs. There was a pause and then glee! Oh, to be able to be reduced to hysterical laughter by the thought of wearing shoes to go swimming. :)