Thursday, August 30, 2007
Here we go
I've discovered that grief is a sneaky thing. Regardless of all your mixed feelings, and in spite of your being just fine for the longest time, and even if you're totally unaware that it's waiting below the surface, it's perfectly capable of knocking you on your ass at any moment. I don't think there's any experience that quite compares to long-term placement foster parenting. There's nothing quite like counting down the days and hours to the exact time at which you will lose your baby. And she is our baby. You don't parent a kid as amazing as her for a year and not wind up with her being your baby- naysayers can stuff it. I don't know what else to say about it right now. This is only a two day visit. Next week Sweets will be gone permanently. Probably. And isn't that the kicker- the little possibility in the back of your head that she might come back- a voice that is so hard to stomp out. That's it, I guess- I feel sad today.