Foster Mamas

Comin' Around the Mountain

2009-06-14T06:58:00.000-07:00

We're back! Joi and I decided enough was enough with our little vacation this spring, and started doing hotline placements and respite care again a few weeks ago. Memorial Day weekend was our first go-round again, with Batman and his little-brother-sidekick Robin. It was a pretty long weekend, but both boys were charming and enjoyable. Batman especially is one very emotionally intelligent kid and my conversations with him were endlessly fascinating. They went right back home after that hotline placement, and apparently have been talking about us ever since and really want to come and visit. We may try to work something out with that.

Right now, we have our first baby on hotline, who is going by the name of Buddha Boy because he is such a chubalub! He's 9 months old and 24 pounds- that's 2 pounds more than Sweetie was when she came in at 2 1/2- with the chins and rolls to prove it. A bit fussy but very cute when he's happy. We might keep him on as a permanent placement if we get the opportunity after his 72-hour hearing this coming week. Meanwhile we're getting used to being up at 2 AM again. We haven't had to do that since Sweetie was a newbie- almost 3 years ago- so we're being extra nice to ourselves during the adjustment. I can't believe she's about to be 5 years old! We just sent off her birthday presents the other day...

Last, and most important, we have a new nephew! J. was born in May and is now home after his successful adoption, making my sister and brother-in-law the happiest parents in the world! And he is cute as all get out- thank Goddess for Skype and Facebook photos! We can't wait to meet him in person.

Hopefully this little corner of the web will be hopping a little more busily now that the kids have taken over again. Peace!

Busy bees

2009-04-27T21:02:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, we managed to:

-dig out the last of 9 stumps from monster-size bushes in our front yard

-remove gravel from under our 2 trees

-replace gravel with mulch

-seed new grass where monster bushes used to be

-and take Prancer swimming in the local river

I love feeling productive! And I love playing with Prancer at the beach. Even if the water is still darn cold. Prancer kept wading in, running out, and grabbing his ankles shouting "COLD!!!" And then doing it again. And again. And asking us to carry him "to da island" (sandbar which is temporarily exposed in the middle of the river). The second time I told him to wait for me to put my shoes on because the pebbles hurt my feet, and he was very perplexed. He looked to Joi, who told him that some shoes can go in the water, like my sandals and his clogs. There was a pause and then glee! Oh, to be able to be reduced to hysterical laughter by the thought of wearing shoes to go swimming. :)

Still in the blessed-silence period.

2009-04-22T17:32:00.000-07:00

Things have been pretty quiet on here because we have no kidlets for now. I just thought I'd check in so that I'm still here. Things with Prancer are going very well. We enjoyed having him back for a few days, and he thoroughly enjoyed himself, too. We're still visiting, but less frequently than before- the transition was just about perfect. Joi is taking him to the circus next weekend. I was out shopping for Sweetie's birthday today- thinking about sending her some kid-size garden gear, since the last photo I saw of her pictured her standing on a shovel in their new garden. I can't believe she's going to be 5! I'll send her some books, too, of course- picking out a book for her every month or two has been one of my favorite things. Not that I need an excuse to spend time (and money) in the bookstore. ;)
We're super excited that my sister and brother-in-law are going to be adopting a baby boy when he is born in a few weeks. The baby shower was last weekend and it looks like our nephew will be arriving in just a few weeks! Plus, two of our close friends down the street are due to have their daughter less than two weeks from now. I can't wait to meet both these babies! Man, are those ovaries are churning...
As far as foster care goes, we're on hold right now, at least until our nephew arrives and we get to dote on him (from afar) for a while. Also, the state has frozen day care vouchers for foster kids since January, and we definitely could not afford to pay for daycare (there's a reason we aren't having one of the bazillion babies arriving these days!) Apparently, they still do some vouchers when they have a good placement and don't have another home (and there are never enough homes, so when they have a good match, they try to do a voucher anyway). So theoretically we could jump back in, but there could be some sticking points with the daycare thing. But, that probably won't be until at least the summer, if not later. Then again, we might just go about trying for one we can keep!
We are trying to improve the wiggle room in our budget for this reason. We had a market analysis for our house this week (to see if it will be possible to refinance), so I'm hoping that process will lead to some extra money around here. Plus, Joi just passsed her licensing exam a few weeks ago, bringing her to the top qualification in her field, and she is actively hunting for greener job pastures. With some luck, we just might be able to visit babyland ourselves one of these days!
Ta ta!

Permanency comes in many colors.

2009-03-19T21:53:00.000-07:00

And it turns out R&R does help a foster parent get her emotional druthers back, which is good because Prancer suddenly came back to us last week. His poor mother got terribly sick and was hospitalized, and we got the call. I don't know if it was because there simply was nobody in mom's life who could do it or because we have the biggest, most important connection with him of anyone in his life besides his birthparents. I hope it was the latter. She seems very supportive of us maintaining a presence in his life, which is nice. The transition was a little funny, because I had been at a conference all day and didn't get any of the voicemails or text messages Joi sent me. I arrived home and was leisurely checking my email when I began hearing this child's voice. I thought to myself, "Is that downstairs or outside?" Surely it must be outside, because there are not supposed to be children in my house right now. I actually convinced myself that it was from outside until the voice started getting closer, accompanied by footsteps on the stairs. I realized who it was and then was quite confused- we don't have a visit scheduled for today, do we? I went down to the landing, to be greeted by Prancer flinging himself into my arms and jabbering away as Joi and I had a telecommunication frenzy.
So, we had the little guy for 4 days and that went so far toward setting things right. We had all missed each other so it felt great to spend the week together. Prancer was hugging and kissing all over the place and telling us how he loves us constantly. He and I had some great conversations and it was a pang to see how much he grew up in just 6 weeks. Plus, he basically showed us "the little angel I know's in there somewhere" about 90% of the time, until about a couple of hours before it was time to go. What a relief in so many ways!
Which brings me to the subject of permanency. We are again creating this kind of reverse-permanency (I don't know if that's the right word, but I'm in uncharted territory here). Prancer has moved on to a new life with his mother after 15 months of the most formative part of his life spent in our family. Hopefully, that move is one kind of permanency for him, the kind we typically mean when we use the word- a reunification or adoption that is permanent. What Sweetie and Prancer have in addition to (we hope) permanent reunifications, is permanent relationships with all their parents. We and the kids have the good fortune of being in this situation with birthparents who respect the importance of their foster-relationships and want us to continue to be present in their lives (one in a more limited way, the other in a very involved way). As such, these two kids will always have the love and connections they cherish with us as parents and positive adult figures, and they will also always have at least one safety net should they ever need it (like Prancer needed us just last week when his mother had a crisis). This kind of permanency is essential to the well-being of the young kids we've created this type of bond with, and I'm very interested in and happy about pursuing it, though I'm sorry to say that it has occasionally been against the opposition of DCF or people associated with them (never have I felt so angry and betrayed as when a CASA worker tried to cut us off from Sweetie). Even in cases where our continued existence in our child's life is approved of and encouraged (such as by Prancer's social worker), there is no codified way of doing it. The Department does not set up a mutual agreement (like they do in reverse for open adoptions) and foster parents in this state are not considered or eligible to be de facto parents. Note that the open adoption agreements are only done between birthparents and adoptive parents, not between long-term foster parents and adoptive parents. I think this has to do with certain double-standards I have written about before. There is a lot of lip service given to "permanent connections" in our local office, but no actual policies or enforcement that I or any of the foster parents I know have seen. So, here we are blazing new trails that probably aren't new at all, though they certainly feel like it because there is no material or policy or support for them. We and Prancer are just lucky that he has a birthparent who thinks we "have just as much a right to him" as she does. BTW, she also says to send anybody who doesn't think we're the best over to her and she'll set them straight.
What a rollercoaster ride!

Hello, My Name Is SELF. Nice to meet you!

2009-03-02T17:08:00.000-08:00

Prancer has been gone for about a month. I am slowly beginning to recognize vestiges of myself from 15 months ago. It's hard though, after a long time, to really remember an old perspective or frame-of-mind. So much has gone on since then. Not to mention, I've been a little afraid to rewind the tape that far, since that was only 2 months after Sweets left and I was grieving so much. Just Prancer's departure alone is opening up a lot, though, even without trying too hard to get back to myself. Last week found me crying in her room and I haven't done that in quite a while. I think I need to do it some more. Having cut off the process so abruptly with Prancer's entrance, it seems that part of me has been frozen in time. Plus, I have a new source of validation because I decided now would be a good time to get back into counseling for a few months, and she's great. It's good to be able to describe to a stranger the awful conundrum of foster parenting- having a parent's love for a child who not only leaves, but who most people do not recognize as your child, and the resulting social and mental isolation when there is no recognized child for whom you are grieving. Usually, I don't discuss this with people I know because I don't feel all that comfortable talking emotions with them, and there is rarely an opportunity to discuss it with a stranger. Then she did the silly thing of calling me Sweetie's mother, which was a validation 2 1/2 years in the making, and I had a nice bawl and had to go home and cry some more. It appears that finally, this loss is going to get worked through. And I think that has to happen in order to get Ms. Self back in order. So far, so good.
About Prancer, I wish I could say I missed him, but the truth is, I don't. I must have cried myself out about him all in that one evening because I don't feel sad and I think of him only a few times a week. I feel guilty that we were not able to guide him toward better behavior or better emotional health, and that Sweetie's loss impaired my openness-of-heart to him. I recognize that that was largely because there was no guidance for me or us, which led us to another placement too soon, but still, I could have done better. I also realize that he wasn't exactly easy to love, but even kids with problems need somebody who's over the moon about them, if they can find someone. Or maybe I'm just too burned out and the good stuff will all come back after a little R&R. Who knows? We've visited with him once a week since last month. He's not doing very well, I don't think- crying a lot and hurting other children at school. He's been up at night missing us. He makes visits semi-miserable with his behaviors. What to do? What to do? I wish I missed him more, but he makes it hard, you know? I hope somebody knows what I'm talking about because I feel like the Grinch.

Things I am doing to recuperate:
- Going out when I feel like it (woohoo!)
- Making noise after 8 PM (still finding myself tiptoeing sometimes, though)
- The aforementioned therapy
- Doing yoga again, 1/2 hour at night
- Enjoying politics (Yay! I hadn't been able to do that for 8 years!)
- Playing Sims
- A palm-sized journal
- Housecleaning and contemplating some projects
- Seeing friends I haven't seen in ages
- Setting up my new little studio space I carved out on the 3rd floor
- Spiritual activities
- Sleeping

Anyone care to share their favorite self-care strategies?

My apologies

2009-01-29T15:16:00.001-08:00

if this screws up anyone's reader, but I'm going to be republishing a whole lot of posts in order to add tags. Pardon me!

The littlest teacher

2009-01-28T20:14:00.000-08:00

Prancer is being reunified in two days. He will have been our foster son for almost 15 months. Prancer arrived when he was just a little over 2 years old. He came straight from his neglectful home to our home and we are the only foster family he has ever had. The first night, he was a little shy when he came in but warmed up to play a game of chase with me. When I put him to bed, I think he realized he was not going home and he cried for a long time. I sang to him until he fell asleep.
Neglect had made him basically non-verbal and the development therapist had thought he would be autistic. In the space of 2 months in our home, Prancer's development advanced so fast that not only was he talking, but he was meeting or exceeding standards in every category and he was discharged from developmental intervention. Today you would never know his ability to speak was ever questioned. He is a chatterbox who almost never stops talking and comes out with something new to say almost every day. Now that he can converse, he is going to therapy for the problems set upon him by the story of his life. I'm really proud of him for how far he's come.
Lord knows, Prancer has tested me many times. I haven't always been up the task. He has every right to be angry about the circumstances of his life. I think my own frustration comes from not knowing how to help him sometimes. I wish so much that he will find the internal strength and insight to understand himself, so that he can go on to be the wonderful person I'm doing all this for.
Lately, I've been detached most of the time. The difficulties combined with the leaving seemed to make a wall between me and everyone else. Sweetie's history still haunts me, too, and I think that has a lot to do with it. But tonight, Prancer jolted me right out of that fog. I put him to bed every night and we have the same ritual every time. I give him a bath, with bubbles for a really good day. Then I dry him off, wrap him up on my lap and brush his teeth, and we talk about sugar and cavities. Before putting on his pajamas, he gets body lotion all over and we talk about excema and skin. At the end of that, we practice relaxing and breathing while I finish doing his arms out to his fingertips, and then end in a good hug. We do 4 alphabet flashcards and then read 3 stories. I put him to bed, turn off the light, and sit beside him. Every night he wants to sing the same 4 songs, the Itsy Bitsy Spider, Twinkle Twinkle, ABCs, and Skidamarink. Then he wants a goodnight kiss and hug.
Tonight during stories he asked me something about doing something together in the Spring, and I reminded him that he wouldn't be here in the Spring because he's going to live with his mom in two days. He didn't say any more, but at the very end when it came time to hug goodnight, he threw his arms around my neck in the biggest bear hug and said "I love you the best!" He'd never said that particular phrase before. And that was it. I went downstairs and started crying into one of his little shirts and basically haven't stopped. After all that's gone on the last 15 months, I've learned quite a lot from him, and here he was teaching me again. I can only hope I've taught him as much.
See you in a couple days. ;)

I just can't help it.

2008-12-27T20:27:00.000-08:00

The 14 months we will have had Prancer have been exhausting, and with him being reunified in about 3 weeks, Joi and were planning on taking an extended break. Like, a year. We never had our first married year to ourselves like most do, because we took Sweets less than a month after our wedding. Plus, after she left I was so devastated and there was no help, so we took Prancer before I was ready. Eventually I did some of the work I needed to do on her, but the relationship with him was never right, I think because of that. So, we planned on this break to get back to ourselves and figure out what to do next. We still want to be permanent parents (though Prance has made me reconsider this cherished goal more than once), in whatever way that comes about, and we want to figure that out. So, after all that...
Cowgirl is losing her pre-adoptive family. They've given their 10 day notice and she'll be moved for a 9th placement in a little over a year, this time on the adoption track due to severe neglect on the part of her mother and abuse on the part of her mother's boyfriend. Her little sibling is on adoption track, too, though he'll be needing an adoptive home because his current one doesn't want to adopt. Believe me, I KNOW all the cons about this idea, but I can't help the thoughts of "well, if they could just extend their 10-day notice a little bit, until Prancer leaves...." (which I think they probably would, as they're family friends). I don't trust the Department not to plow this poor little baby through several dozen more placements until she is completely dysfunctional for life (if not already), and I can't just write her off. Not just because I need a break. Even though I know I seriously need it. I still harken back to that phone call, two days after Sweetie left us, when I turned Cowgirl and her brother down because of my broken heart. I feel that we would still have them now if I hadn't have done that, and it makes me wonder what would happen if I just stopped trying to control the Universe and what it gives me? Which is not to say this is happening at all. Like I said I know the numerous downsides to my brain's inevitable ideas. It's just my state of mind right now, and one more moment in one small child's fate.

Mommy's in the news

2008-11-22T11:00:00.000-08:00

As many of you know (and hopefully attended), last weekend was the historic occasion of a nationwide protest for LGBT equality and marriage rights called Join The Impact. Over a million people gathered in 300 cities across the nation, including all 50 states, to collectively say that discrimination is no longer OK and to call this civil rights movement to order! I offered to be the point-person for Northampton, MA, and before I knew it, I was organizing a protest of 500-900 people with 7 speakers, a drumming troupe, and the Raging Grannies, complete with a videographer and reporters from 5 newspapers and ABC/FOX news. Below is the article by Stephanie Barry that made the front page of the Spingfield Republican.

California ban on same-sex marriage denounced by protesters in Northampton, Mass.
by The Republican Newsroom
Saturday November 15, 2008, 5:58 PM
Republican photo: Jeff BrownThose in attendance at Northampton's City Hall for a rally to supports gay marriage listen to a speaker addressing the crowd.
By STEPHANIE BARRY sbarry@repub.com

NORTHAMPTON - Hundreds of demonstrators spilled down the steps of City Hall and onto Main Street Saturday, part of a wave of nationwide protests over the passage of Proposition 8 in California. The rally was boisterous, even by Northampton's standards, where rallies for social change are a staple of the cultural landscape. Activists sang, chanted and drummed to denounce the California ban on same-sex marriage.
Republican photo: Jeff BrownHockey Eisele (of California, at left) and Andrea S. Hermans (of Easthampton) display signs and a flag at a rally to supports gay marriage held Saturday at Northampton City Hall.
"The fight is going to be won by our love and our creativity and our persistence," Northampton resident Ellen Clegg shouted over the crowd.
Leader of a drumming group that performed during the rally, Clegg said she took advantage of the right to marry her female partner shortly after gay marriage became legal in Massachusetts on May 17, 2004. The change followed a Supreme Judicial Court ruling the previous year.
The couple has a 15-month-old daughter, and Clegg said their legal union took on new significance when her spouse was laid off from her job and the family was protected by universal health-care benefits.
"If we had been in any other state, it would have been far more difficult," Clegg said. She called the ban in California sad.
"There's of course an anger (component), but underneath it's just sad and disheartening ... we still have a long way to go, " she said.
Each day since Proposition 8 passed on Election Day, protests have been staged across the country. A California court overturned a statewide ban on gay marriage in May. However, a repeal question on the on Nov. 4 ballot passed.
The local protest drew hundreds of same-sex couples and gay rights advocates of all ages, plus openly gay five-term Mayor Mary Clare Higgins, who sat on the steps and sang with "The Raging Grannies," a social activism group who led the crowd in a pro-gay rights sing-along. Organizer Kathryn L. Martini, of Greenfield, said similar protests took place simultaneously in all 50 states. She estimated as many as 900 attended the local stand-out. "This isn't just about California. It's about the whole country," she said. "I'm hoping this is a starting point for people who are interested in achieving equality for all Americans."
The demonstration drew steady honks and shouts of support from traffic on Main Street. One man, who briefly stood on the periphery of the crowd, shouting "Cultural bandits!" appeared to be a lonely voice of dissent.
The crowd united under a persistent drizzle, and many carried signs. Their messages varied, including "No More Mrs. Nice Gay," "End the H8," and 21-year-old Matthew DeWinkeleer's, which he word-smithed himself: "I can't believe we still have to protest this crap," it read.

The honest man edges closer

2008-11-21T17:41:00.000-08:00

in the Minnesota Senate Race. Meanwhile, conservatives evidence their loathing of proper elections by spouting increasingly shrill attempts to deceive the public, trying to save Norm- the foul, loathsome, evil little cockroach (thank you Hermione) who told spineless lies about the late Senator Paul Wellstone and then ransacked his death for personal power. Speaking of Lies and the Lying Liars who Tell Them... this could be a whole new sequel.

Lighting Lincoln's Statue

2008-11-08T14:44:00.001-08:00

Lighting Lincoln's Statue, originally uploaded by Mermaniac.

Equal love.

Equal rights!

Join The Impact! Join the national protest this Saturday at a City Hall near you- click the button on the top left for locations and detailed information.

It'll take more than a couple of eggs to get me!

2008-11-07T21:12:00.000-08:00

Wow. Just after publishing my last post I heard a loud thud-thud sound from downstairs. No one was down there, we had already turned the lights off and come up, but it sounded like the back door. I grabbed a glass bottle (for lack of any real weapon) and Joi and I went downstairs and turned all the lights on. It wasn't the back door. It was eggs hitting our windows from the side of the road where our Obama for President sign is.
I thought I was a little paranoid about it initially, but now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure this was about our sign. We've never had egging before and not to our knowledge in our neighborhood, either. We're the only house on our stretch with an Obama sign and we're the only house that was hit. Plus, our sign is not the store-bought kind- we built it and painted it ourselves, so it's pretty distinctive. Nothing happened to the sign, but then again it would be pretty time-consuming and attention-risking to take it down- it's about 2 feet square wood staked into the ground with fence posts. I was suspicious anyway because in the hours after the election, a black church was burned in Springfield (which is about 30 minutes from us), among other incidents a bit further away.
Eggs aren't much of a big deal, but given the suspicious timing, I thought I'd report it so I called the police. I mentioned that I was concerned because I'd heard of an incident in Springfield and the officer responded that "it's happening all over Western Mass." Wow. Just wow. I'm upset about egging and I'm not even sure it meant anything. I can't even imagine a cross burning on my lawn. Racism sucks. Good thing they didn't touch my sign. I'm putting fucking streamers on it tomorrow.

If one of us is oppressed then we are all oppressed.

2008-11-07T19:39:00.000-08:00

Prop 8 and the three other hateful anti-gay amendments pretty much ruined what should have been a very joyful week for me, celebrating the victory of Obama. I understand the disappointment about the margins for Prop 8 in the (one, tiny) exit poll indicating a high level of support for discrimination among African-American voters. I feel it, too, even though I realize that this idea has been way overblown and is largely untrue. But still, I understand the disappointment.
However, that absolutely does not excuse this type of behavior.
I am so disgusted at this. Yes, let's engage in the type of bigotry we're fighting! Good idea!
The crux of the matter is this: It is immoral for anyone who has participated in or benefitted from any civil rights movement to oppose any other civil rights movement. Regardless of whether one has an affinity or a problem with another group struggling for civil rights, opposing their struggle is immoral. It is immoral because it is hypocrisy. Though no group is all the same, this kind of hypocrisy comes from all sides (racism from queers, homophobia from blacks, etc.) Those engaging in it ought to be ashamed of themselves, but because of our common faults we much forgive each other for it and try to reach out.
It is especially disconcerting given that this exact dischord was sown by white evangelicals (i.e. the people who actually created and viciously pursued the Proposition):
"The Rev. Amos Brown, former city supervisor and minister of the Third Baptist Church, has gone on record supporting same-sex marriage, but he says that hasn't stopped white evangelical ministers from suggesting the city's black churches are persuading their congregants to support Proposition 8 through church phone banks, prayer meetings, and even a 40-day fast. "They've done this for the last two months," Brown says. "They are the ones who are fostering hostility at all levels."
We as a community are simply buying into the lie and playing their game. We are destroying the possibilities for equality- they don't have to do it for us anymore. This divisiveness absolutely has to STOP and we must start rebuilding our coalitions in the spirit of progress and solidarity.

I just love Barack Obama.

2008-11-04T18:05:00.000-08:00

That's all I wanted to say. :)

The evolving conversation

2008-10-17T16:00:00.000-07:00

We go through an approximation of the following conversation on at least a daily basis, but the punchline was new today:

Prancer: You Kate.
Me: Uh huh.
Prancer: I a boy.
Me: Yep.
Prancer: You a mommy.
Me: Yes, I am.
Prancer: I a foster kid.
Me: Yes, you are.
Prancer: Yaaaay!

Well put, kiddo.

2008-10-12T16:30:00.000-07:00

Prancer: Can I have strawberry wafers?
Me: No. We don't have any.
Prancer: Why?
Me: Why didn't we get any at the store today?
Prancer: Because I didn't listen. `Cause I drive you nuts!

Oh, and he wants Barbie dolls for Christmas.

Ok, ok. I know.

2008-10-09T18:11:00.001-07:00

That was whiney and negative about my boy. And I do have some ideas.
First, things I like about Prancer:
He's warm and affectionnate, loves almost everybody, and is often a little ball of joy.
He cracks jokes and is a total goofball.
He loves us a lot and we love him, too.

Ok, second, since biting is a major problem, I'm going to send him to school with a teething toy (after I get permission from the school- toys are not usually allowed in from home). The question is, should I fashion it such that he can wear it on his person? I could put it on a lanyard and attach that as a necklace or as a sort of wallet-chain. Then he would have easy access when he feels like biting. Or would that be too conspicuous and should I keep it (and a little hitting-pillow) in a box in his cubby for teachers to direct him to?

Not so sure about the hitting pillow. It can't be too big, but if it's too small, he'll hurt his hand. Poor kid- he needs a Damn-It Doll! Speaking of which, so do I. . .

I shouldn't have said that.

2008-10-09T15:10:00.001-07:00

I should just know better than to say anything optimistic. Our lovely weekend was followed by two school incident reports in three days. Prancer's always had an aggressive streak in the time we've known him (almost a year now), but I don't understand how he could become suddenly, markedly worse one day and stay that way. It's going on 4 months. Nothing seems to make a difference. I can't make him stop hitting and biting. It's embarassing and undermines my own confidence and I don't know what else to do about it that we haven't done already, and that makes me feel incompetent. I hate being the parent of the bully.

Make that two nice days.

2008-10-05T17:18:00.000-07:00

As in a whole weekend. After a summer during which I dreaded the weekend for all the struggles it would bring, this is sooo fabulous. Ah....

Prancer: You put bubbles in my bath.
Me: Yes, I did.
Prancer: Dat make me happy.

Nice days are nice.

2008-10-04T18:15:00.000-07:00

Today was such a nice day. We had pancakes for breakfast. We went shopping for new PJs for Prancer and had lunch out (and I officially disputed the fraudulent charges to my bank account). We took Prancer to the big Fire Department day where he got to see the fire trucks and ambulances and get cool stuff like a firefighter's hat. Joi took him for ice cream and I went to my favorite bookstore of all time. Eventually they came in and Prancer spent a good 20 minutes asking everyone in the store (employee or not) "where the Buzz Lightyear books?" Not to be convinced that there weren't any, we took our leave after Joi bought me An American Family. Prancer took a great nap (getting rarer these days) and then a bike ride. He was very sweet at bathtime and bedtime. It's now his little game to ask me if I'm his foster mommy and we go over and over and over about how we're his foster mommies and he's our foster son and we love him sooo much, and he's happy about it and then asks again a little while later. I think he's wanting to really nail down his understanding of his life and at the same time feeling well loved. Things are pretty good. I wish every day were like this.

"May the lice in your shirt marry the bedbugs in your mattress and may their offspring set up residence in your underwear."

2008-10-02T15:03:00.000-07:00

So is my curse for the person who stole over a thousand dollars from my bank account in the last 48 hours. I might think up a few more choice wishes while disputing the charges and helping the police.

Are you my mother? Not just a storybook.

2008-10-02T11:30:00.000-07:00

We have an interesting phenomenon going on this week. Prancer keeps asking me if I'm his mommy. Then he asks me of Joi is his mommy, too. I think he's been asking the same with Joi. We talk about how he has three mommies because he has his mommy who gave birth to him, and two foster moms. He and I had a long talk about it in the car the other day. It reminded me of Sweets because she used to think it was so funny and wonderful that she had so many mommies. She would say, with immense pride in her voice, "I have three mommies!" And then hug herself with this big grin on her face. I told Prancer about how funny Sweetie thought it was. Now he wants to visit with Sweetie again. No can do, but I'm right with him!

Tres cool.

2008-09-28T07:52:00.000-07:00

Prancer has been running around the house this morning, calling "cool dude!"
... with his underwear on his head.
I love dorks.

Sometimes I just have to hate them.

2008-09-26T16:25:00.000-07:00

DSS, that is. Remember this trainwreck of a case? Cowgirl's life had been so tragic already. The fault of that is squarely at her mother's feet because she neglected that little girl and allowed her to be abused by others. But that was only half the tragedy. It was also largely because of DSS screw-ups. In short, they pulled this toddler, plowed her through 7 stupid placements in 6 months, ignored the foster parent who wanted her, and when we couldn't do it anymore, then they refused to finally give her the family she needed when I suggested it. Remember when they decided to place her back with her mother instead? Even though they knew it was unsafe? In other words, purposely endangered a child?
Guess which mother messed up her life again and neglected her child? Guess which child was just placed back in foster care? And guess which child who, having just turned 3 years old, revealed to her hotline foster parent that her mother's boyfriend was sexually abusing her after DSS placed her back with her mother?
It just makes me want to disappear. It's so much worse than heartbreaking. She was so messed up by the time she came to our house, with this on top of it, I don't know if she will ever recover. Do you know they called us about Cowgirl and her little brother 5 months before we actually took her? We didn't take them because Sweetie had just been reunified two days before and we were reeling. I don't know if I feel guilty, but I do wonder what might have been avoided. Mostly I feel outraged at DSS. They told me in March that I was wrong to be angry with their terrible decision making and wrong to suggest a better home for Cowgirl because I was "trying to do their job for them."
Well, their decisions caused this poor baby to be further neglected, abused in the worst way, and broken by yet another pull. And the foster family they now plan to send her to? The one I suggested in the first place. Thank God. Maybe I should be doing their job for them. God knows, somebody should.

Begging.

2008-09-14T22:13:00.000-07:00

Please oh pleeeeeeease can the media report something about the campaigns that has to do with an ISSUE?! Goddamnit I am so effing sick of this crazy hype that just gives more airtime to ridiculous lies and petty ads! And I don't want to read headlines about the GOP "faulting both campaigns for negative ads" when they are the ones intentionally deceiving the public with their slime and smears and immoral, lowlife, gutter "politics". Holding a stupid press conference about their false disapproval just serves to get them more media attention for the wrong thing and I hate the media for reporting on it and I hate that I'm writing about it right now but I'm just so hopping mad. I want to hear about the candidate's opinions and plans for ending the war, saving the economy, converting to green energy, changing our education law, protecting our elections from fraud, and how my family is going to be able to afford to heat our home this winter, among a host of other real issues. I see the Obama campaign talking about these issues in a very real, honest way every day because I bother to go looking for it. Why isn't our media covering that? I have my thoughts about the reasons for that, but it doesn't stop me from being sick to death of it. My personal Pulitzer to the first major media outlet to stop paying attention to the BS and give the public our desperately-needed fresh air in politics.