Monday, September 10, 2007

"I know you'll be calling me soon, and if I don't answer, I'm calling the moon..."

Thank you for your supportive comments. Between you folks, the world's best listener Jacki, and a wonderful religious retreat this weekend with my witchy friends, this is all so much better than it could otherwise have been. Last Wednesday was otherworldly. What exactly do you do after you give away your baby to an unstable and unpredictable future?
Our recipe for post-placement slump:
Go home and cry as much as you feel like or until you decide you can't keep crying
Go out to dinner and toast your baby
Walk together for a really long time
Spontaneously take a hot tub on the way back or other such self-care activity
Sleep, sleep, sleep

As in the previous post, I've done a lot of well-wishing and meditating and thinking on Sweetie's behalf, but I suppose there is only so much of that intense concentration one can do. Reconnecting with nature was a huge relief, too. The retreat was on Lake Ontario, which I had never seen (it looks like the ocean!!!). I don't think I've really heard a wave crash in almost two years, and the sound, which I first heard in the pitch dark because we arrived late at night, was inherently deepening and healing. The rest of the weekend at that gorgeous lakeside was so comforting and the waves so rythmicly soothing- I will definitely use a nature retreat the next time, too, if I can. Distraction is useful, too. This week I must catch up at work, go to a wedding shower, close on our new house, participate in a fall equinox celebration, attend a wedding, and start moving. Not much time for wallowing. Busy bee inspire me! Thanks again for the support.

And thanks to the moon and the water for taking me in again.
"Calling the Moon" by Dar Williams

"The moon wanted more of my night
I turned off the engine and the headlights
The trees appeared as they'd never been gone
I promised the fields I'd return from now on

And the moon kept on rising
I had no more to say
I put my roadmaps away
And surendered the day

And I know you'll be calling me soon
And if I don't answer, I'm calling the moon
Calling the moon, I was calling her then
I'm wondering, will she take me again
Oh, I'm calling the moon

When I called the moon back to me
I thought she wanted my beauty
I shone in the best that vanity buys
I covered the path where my life turned to lies

And the moon kept on rising
But I felt nothing at all
She comes when the empire falls
And shines on crumbling walls

Calling the moon, by the name that she chose
As Tennessee wandered in moth-eaten robes
Oh, I'm calling the moon
Calling the moon
Oh, I'm calling the moon

Oh, make sense of me, night
I can see so much from this cold height
The moon said, "Oh darkness, my work is done
I've poured this bottle of light from the sun

But their anger keeps on rising
And they don't understand
I've shown them all that I can
That the world is at hand

And I know they'll be calling me soon
And if I don't answer I'm only the moon
I can see by her light
This one's going out to the moon tonight
Oh, I'm calling the moon

Calling the moon, 'cause I know what it's worth
To tug at the seas and illumine the earth
Oh I'm calling the moon
Oh I'm calling the moon"

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