Money day-after, day-after, day-after Monday

Yeah, well, I knew the punctuality thing wasn't going to last this long! So, it's Thursday. Deal.

Drum roll................ the sellers accepted our offer! Woo hoo! Of course, having talked them down to our level, and gotten them to pay 2/3 of the closing costs, they accepted it "as is". Meaning, no negotiation after the inspection. Which is fine, except that the inspection turned up no oil in the tank and we couldn't see if the boiler worked until yesterday, when the oil company put some fuel in the tank. And it didn't work. Um..... crap. Not spending 10 thousand dollars on a new heating system. Panic, anyone?
So, it turns out it didn't work right away because it had been empty for a long time (nobody's lived in this house for quite a while), and when it was flushed properly today, it supposedly worked fine. It being a Smith boiler, of very high quality, we were glad to hear this. Still, our realtor is going over tomorrow morning to be sure it works and after much debate, the sellers have granted us an extension on the inspection date so that we can be sure the boiler works fine before we pay for a termite inspection.
So, assuming that will work out, here's what we'll have to improve ourselves, since we won't have the money to hire pros:
1) Re-wire the remaining knob-and-tube electric (only one line, supplying power to 10 outlets/fixtures, mostly on the first floor and one side of the second- there are three floors overall).
2) Put up gutters and downspouts on the front side of the house and fill in the pit under the front stoop with loam so as to reduce the drainage problem in the basement.
3) Re-install a sump-pump in the basement (there was one at one point, and the pit and tubing is still in place, so this should be relatively easy). Note: the water table in our town is effing hilarious. I didn't quite believe the inspector when he said "punch a hole in your basement floor and you'll be looking at the groundwater", until he found the existing pit for a pump- the groundwater is literally 3 inches below the foundation floor. Oy!
4) Remove crumbling insulation from under the first floor and under a small portion of the eaves.
5) Somehow remodel the third floor bathroom so that one can get into the bathtub without becoming a contortion artist.
6) Remove and redecorate from the various stuff the sellers opted to paint over white (wood paneling, fake plastic tiles, descended ceiling squares, etc.
7) Finish the unfinished enclosed porch.
8) Remodel the back stairway-to-nowhere (used to be a two-family) into a laundry room off the kitchen.
9) Replace the basement stairs.
10) Jack up and reinforce the posts supporting the front stoop.

A few things we'll have no choice but to hire out: replacing the main electric line from the street into the house (frayed), fixing a drip on the boiler-gage, re-inforcing the foundation wall that is currently bowed-in, and blowing-in insulation (currently none).

That all being said, this wasn't too bad in the world of inspections, and our house is still worth what we offered. Now, we'll just see about that pesky bank!